The identity I have chosen to represent myself in this paper is that of being a father. This is an identity that I recently discovered just how important it is to me. Honestly it was not until I was responding to a discussion post for this class that I realized that this is a defining identity for me. Being a father was always something I planned on doing. I had thought about it when I was younger. I used to wonder what my wife would be like, what my career would be like, as well as what my children would be like. Many would believe that this is a characteristic of a girl, but I’ve always wondered about my future. Palmer (2002) wrote, “The father of a child can develop the bond during the pregnancy of his partner, feeling attachment to the developing child. Research indicates that this may have some biological basis.” I believe this to be a true statement. I have been blessed with two children, one living and one with the lord, as well as one on the way. My wife and I actually became pregnant on our wedding night, believe it or not, so really I went from being a bachelor to being a father very, very quickly, much too quick for my taste. Regarding fathers Parachin (2008) writes, “They take seriously their role as spiritual teachers and mentors for their children. They are not ashamed to say ‘I love you,’ nor do they hesitate to shower their children with physical expressions of love”
As I stated before I just recently became aware of this defining me. After the loss of my second child, I began a tailspin of sorts into the man I have become today. Words that would have described me would be aimless, lazy, or perhaps apathetic to my future. The time since her passing has been full of heart ache, tears, and self discovery, which has led me right to this keyboard, typing this paper. I admit to having problems balancing all the different aspects of being a father. Between work, friends, and any other project I may be working on, it has become extremely difficult for me to find the time to complete any given task. For example: This past week I was unable to complete and submit my assignments from week three during the tornado and subsequent power/communication outage. Monday I was stuck at work for ten hours before finally coming home to find the internet still down. Tuesday was my third wedding anniversary, which I had planned on taking my wife and son to Joplin to eat, obviously that didn’t happen. Wednesday, the internet was back on; however, I got stuck at work again until 9:00. I had to scramble and claw my way to complete the discussion posts for my classes. Thursday, I was finally able to complete and submit last week’s assignment. Friday, I attended a funeral of a family friend, worked, went straight from work to a rehearsal for the wedding of my best friend, and proceeded to get sucked into taking care of the last minute preparations for the wedding. Saturday, I spent all day fulfilling my obligations as best man, finally collapsing and getting some much needed sleep. Sunday, I woke up and proceeded to Joplin, MO to be a part of the peace rally, memorial service, and listen to President Obama speak in person, finally finishing the day by doing homework. I will refer to this week in the coming years as: the week from hell.
Obviously this was an exceptionally emotional and hectic/busy week, but my point is at no point was I able to fulfill my obligations as a parent to my son. It pains my heart to think that during these formative times he’s missing out on being with his father. I have no intentions of not being with my son but life has made it extremely difficult to spend any real time with him. When I first became a father, I went through a depression of sorts. I wanted no part of the responsibility. I suppose I went through this because of my unhappiness at the time with my wife and what had become of my life. Some of the advantages of being a father are getting to be with my family. Feeling the love and support of hearing that little voice say, “Daddy!” I get to see my son grow and learn. I love being a father with all my heart, but for me the only real disadvantage is with regards to my daughter. I have been through an emotional time coming to grips with the fact that my daughter, Emmy, who passed away, will never have the opportunity to grow old, read books, watch movies, or fall in love. She will never build a life, and I’ll never get to walk my little girl down the aisle. I don’t feel, as some would, that the disadvantages of being a parent mean that I cannot do whatever I want, whenever I want. Most of the things I enjoy doing I do at home anyway.
This identity of being a father has not really influenced me too much as my lifestyle hasn’t really changed when compared to before I became a father so I don’t really feel that I have significantly changed my habits at life or at home. To that same end, how I communicate with people hasn’t really changed when compared to before. I do however feel that my school work has felt the impact of my fatherly duties. I am unable to spend as much time working on any given project or assignment as I would normally like to take. I have been able to set aside Wednesdays and Sundays as days that I can work on school work, but this is becoming increasingly difficult as the school work demands more time be taken. With that in mind I am faced with the choice of how to juggle these to separate yet equally important aspects of the current state of my life.
In general, I have observed that others who are not fathers do not fully understand the time and effort one has to make to maintain a good solid foundation for your child. When I am unable to attend an event hosted by a friend due to having to take care of my child, they don’t always understand. However, I will make this choice every time it is presented to me. Johnson (2011) writes, “A child with a nonresident father is 54 percent more likely to be poorer than his or her father. Fatherless children are twice as likely to drop out of school.” Even though I am present in the home, I feel that my son can still suffer the effects of my absence.
References
Johnson, A. J. (2011) Straight No Chaser Fathers Inc.
Palmer, L. F. (2002) Bonding Matters: The Chemistry of Attachment Attachment Parenting International News
Parachin, V. M, (2008) Seven Lessons to Becoming a Better Father Unity Magazine
Sunday, May 29, 2011
Thursday, May 26, 2011
Historical Examination
Why would it be important to examine the role of history in Intercultural Communication?
History plays an extremely important role in fully understanding intercultural communication. (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg 68). With all the different cultures in the world, it is imperative to respect that everyone’s culture differs from person to person or country to country. One’s personal history speaks volumes of information about why they are the way they are, as well as helpful indicators about their personality and proper ways of communicating with them.
Working with people everyday in my job (assistant manager for a U.S. Cellular store), it is always a good idea to try to relate to the history of the people I’m speaking to or trying to help. If I have a better understanding of my customers history, I can better help the customer in many ways. It allows me to see what it is that they are trying to say. I couldn’t tell you how many people I’ve helped that use cell phone terminology interchangeably. For instance, customers will refer to their plan and contract interchangeably. It is up to me to interpret what it is that they are trying to tell me. I also service many Hispanic customers through both body language and listening carefully to what they are telling me. Many times words in Spanish are very similar to, if not exactly the same as, words in English.
What are hidden histories and how might hidden histories affect intercultural interactions?
Hidden histories are events of the past that are not common knowledge or, in most cases, people are not taught about them. In a lot of cases, these histories do not reflect well upon the group that is suppressing the story. In other cases, it is a product of pop culture influencing people’s perception of history. For example, everyone knows the story of how Christopher Columbus sought out the new world to prove the world was round. The problem is that this story is simply not true. It was invented by Washington Irving for a novel he wrote in the early 1800’s. It has been suggested that if the legend is more interesting than the truth, print the legend (Wuhl, 2008).
The downside of hidden histories are that there are more of them than we will probably ever discover. All history is based upon what the people who survived said happened. In most cases, they are not written down, but are passed along orally from one generation the next (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg. 70). It is extremely important to be aware of these hidden histories so that we can learn from our mistakes and open the communication lines between our cultures to help finally get by our differences, whether they be racial or directly cultural differences.
Compare and contrast family histories with national histories.
A person is exposed to many different cultures throughout their life. With each of these cultures, they bring their history along with them. Family histories have much in common with national histories as they both rely on the use of communication. In most cases, they are not written down, but are passed along orally from one generation the next (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg. 70). If one generation did not pass on their specific tales of traditions and events, then many of these histories would be lost to time and forgotten altogether. Each national and family history is unique to the cultural members of their environment and may differ from one country or family to another.
Some people would look at the histories of families and nations without seeing the many differences between the two. For one thing, a national history is generally taught in schools and text books much more broadly than a family history is (one exception might be the Kennedy family or the royal family of England). It is comprised of events and endeavors of varying importance. Many people, within the nation, learn of their national history through school books and historical narratives. On the flip side, family histories are interwoven with the national histories. People are able to connect with family history in a deep and profound way.
How is the history of gays and lesbians relevant to intercultural communication?
“Sexual orientation histories emphasize the significance of sexuality in understanding the past and the present, yet these histories are often overlooked or silenced” (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg 77). I would tend to agree with this sentiment. Actor Rock Hudson was shocked the world by coming out of the closet, as he was widely perceived to be a “mans man.” (Monroe, 1995, pg. 97.)
It was only fairly recent in history that members of the gay and lesbian culture have been able to live out loud so to speak. For example, the show Glee with its racy plot lines and thought provoking topics would have never made the air in the 1970’s. (Stoner, 2011, pg 13). Within intercultural communication, a person is very likely to work with someone of a differing sexual orientation on a regular basis. I feel the more a person knows about a culture, including gay and lesbian culture, the more accepting and understanding can be found for the people. Understanding a group of people does not mean one has to agree with the people.
How can we negotiate histories in interactions?
We give ourselves the opportunity to understand the world and its people by striving to learn about other cultures histories. For example: I have taken several trips to Mexico on cruises. Now, while I realize the areas I visit are designed to cater to traveling Americans, I’ve also been given the opportunity to travel away from these ports, deeper into Mexico, to experience the true Mexico first hand. I have always had the assumption that, until I have seen it with my own two eyes, I shouldn’t just take for granted that the picture of a country presented to me by the media is correct.
It is impossible to fully take in an entire country and its many facets in the space of time that a television program can provide for it. I was able to communicate with the native people and had many good conversations about life and the ideals that they have where they come from. “The desire to escape history is significant in what it tells us about how our own culture negotiates its relation to the past and how we view the relation of other nations and cultures to their pasts” (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg. 75).
My blog can be found at: http://interculturalcommpage.blogspot.com/.
References
Martin, J. N. and Nakayama, T. K. (2011) Experiencing Intercultural Communication. 4th. New York: McGraw-Hill
Monroe, Q. (1995) Like a Rock. Free Press
Stoner, K. (2011) Gleeful. Miami News Record.
Wuhl, R. (2007) Assume the Position with Mr. Wuhl. NYU
History plays an extremely important role in fully understanding intercultural communication. (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg 68). With all the different cultures in the world, it is imperative to respect that everyone’s culture differs from person to person or country to country. One’s personal history speaks volumes of information about why they are the way they are, as well as helpful indicators about their personality and proper ways of communicating with them.
Working with people everyday in my job (assistant manager for a U.S. Cellular store), it is always a good idea to try to relate to the history of the people I’m speaking to or trying to help. If I have a better understanding of my customers history, I can better help the customer in many ways. It allows me to see what it is that they are trying to say. I couldn’t tell you how many people I’ve helped that use cell phone terminology interchangeably. For instance, customers will refer to their plan and contract interchangeably. It is up to me to interpret what it is that they are trying to tell me. I also service many Hispanic customers through both body language and listening carefully to what they are telling me. Many times words in Spanish are very similar to, if not exactly the same as, words in English.
What are hidden histories and how might hidden histories affect intercultural interactions?
Hidden histories are events of the past that are not common knowledge or, in most cases, people are not taught about them. In a lot of cases, these histories do not reflect well upon the group that is suppressing the story. In other cases, it is a product of pop culture influencing people’s perception of history. For example, everyone knows the story of how Christopher Columbus sought out the new world to prove the world was round. The problem is that this story is simply not true. It was invented by Washington Irving for a novel he wrote in the early 1800’s. It has been suggested that if the legend is more interesting than the truth, print the legend (Wuhl, 2008).
The downside of hidden histories are that there are more of them than we will probably ever discover. All history is based upon what the people who survived said happened. In most cases, they are not written down, but are passed along orally from one generation the next (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg. 70). It is extremely important to be aware of these hidden histories so that we can learn from our mistakes and open the communication lines between our cultures to help finally get by our differences, whether they be racial or directly cultural differences.
Compare and contrast family histories with national histories.
A person is exposed to many different cultures throughout their life. With each of these cultures, they bring their history along with them. Family histories have much in common with national histories as they both rely on the use of communication. In most cases, they are not written down, but are passed along orally from one generation the next (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg. 70). If one generation did not pass on their specific tales of traditions and events, then many of these histories would be lost to time and forgotten altogether. Each national and family history is unique to the cultural members of their environment and may differ from one country or family to another.
Some people would look at the histories of families and nations without seeing the many differences between the two. For one thing, a national history is generally taught in schools and text books much more broadly than a family history is (one exception might be the Kennedy family or the royal family of England). It is comprised of events and endeavors of varying importance. Many people, within the nation, learn of their national history through school books and historical narratives. On the flip side, family histories are interwoven with the national histories. People are able to connect with family history in a deep and profound way.
How is the history of gays and lesbians relevant to intercultural communication?
“Sexual orientation histories emphasize the significance of sexuality in understanding the past and the present, yet these histories are often overlooked or silenced” (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg 77). I would tend to agree with this sentiment. Actor Rock Hudson was shocked the world by coming out of the closet, as he was widely perceived to be a “mans man.” (Monroe, 1995, pg. 97.)
It was only fairly recent in history that members of the gay and lesbian culture have been able to live out loud so to speak. For example, the show Glee with its racy plot lines and thought provoking topics would have never made the air in the 1970’s. (Stoner, 2011, pg 13). Within intercultural communication, a person is very likely to work with someone of a differing sexual orientation on a regular basis. I feel the more a person knows about a culture, including gay and lesbian culture, the more accepting and understanding can be found for the people. Understanding a group of people does not mean one has to agree with the people.
How can we negotiate histories in interactions?
We give ourselves the opportunity to understand the world and its people by striving to learn about other cultures histories. For example: I have taken several trips to Mexico on cruises. Now, while I realize the areas I visit are designed to cater to traveling Americans, I’ve also been given the opportunity to travel away from these ports, deeper into Mexico, to experience the true Mexico first hand. I have always had the assumption that, until I have seen it with my own two eyes, I shouldn’t just take for granted that the picture of a country presented to me by the media is correct.
It is impossible to fully take in an entire country and its many facets in the space of time that a television program can provide for it. I was able to communicate with the native people and had many good conversations about life and the ideals that they have where they come from. “The desire to escape history is significant in what it tells us about how our own culture negotiates its relation to the past and how we view the relation of other nations and cultures to their pasts” (Martin and Nakayama, 2011, pg. 75).
My blog can be found at: http://interculturalcommpage.blogspot.com/.
References
Martin, J. N. and Nakayama, T. K. (2011) Experiencing Intercultural Communication. 4th. New York: McGraw-Hill
Monroe, Q. (1995) Like a Rock. Free Press
Stoner, K. (2011) Gleeful. Miami News Record.
Wuhl, R. (2007) Assume the Position with Mr. Wuhl. NYU
Sunday, May 15, 2011
My Cultural Collage
This collage represents the culture that I have been most exposed to. In 1987 I became enamored with probably the biggest pop culture influences on my life Star Trek, Star Wars, Superman, and The Wizard of Oz. I grew up in the small town of Miami, OK. My mother was extremely over protective of me, so the aforementioned films/television shows were like my best friends in a way. I owe a large amount of my morals and ethical beliefs to those shows. I began going to school in Commerce, OK in 1997. Later, I played football for the Commerce Tigers where we were blessed with quite a high level of success. My wife, Kristy, and I had a son in Feb. 2009.I joined the Miami Little Theatre in 2009 where I currently hold a position on the board of directors as a member and the historian. We perform our shows at our small towns "diamond in the rough", The Coleman Theatre. In 2010 I had the privilege of being cast as The Cowardly Lion in Miami Little Theatre's production of The Wizard of Oz. My wife gave birth prematurely to our second child with a week and a half left until the production. Emmy Grace was born on Sept. 7th, 2010 during an emergency C-Section. Emmy had a condition called fetal hydrops. I spent my days waking up, driving to Tulsa, OK (an hour+ drive from Miami, OK.), staying there as long as I could, driving back, performing the show, sleeping, and doing it all again the following day. The production wrapped on Sept. 19th and was a resounding success. Emmy Grace died Sept. 23rd.
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